


Do Some Navigating

by nikkishame



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:32:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikkishame/pseuds/nikkishame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 4x14 "I Do" - </p>
<p>The scenes that we didn't see between Kurt and Blaine in the episode that lead to their reconciliation, even though Kurt's not quite sure that there's not something else out there for him. A bit of Kurt/Adam, Rachel Berry is pregnant in this story.</p>
<p>Other warnings: Abortion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Some Navigating

There was small part of Kurt that hated being home – mostly because it meant staying with Finn. Finn was his brother, of course. But was also his roommate's ex. And Finn didn't know what subtle was. Ever. And that was a whole thing – they were both awkward about it and it didn't really go anywhere.

But Finn was a pretty good source of information on Blaine, as long as Kurt wasn't too direct about it. Because if he was too direct it generally lead to Finn asking more questions about Rachel. Though, in the end, all Kurt got about Blaine was that he was doing good, even thought he was single and pining over him. Which was great for Kurt. His news for Finn wasn't as kind because Rachel was. Well. Exploring her sexual thunder or whatever she had called it the other day.

But at least he wasn't back in New York with Rachel's current flame, Naked McGee. Which was problematic for so many reasons. One, he kind of hated the guy. Secondly, he didn't actually want to get with because Brody was straight, not his type, and possibly a bag of asses. But the guy was almost always naked and even though he'd just started something with Adam – that meant he had _just_ started things and nothing was happening sexually and he hadn't been touched since the last time he was with Blaine. Before he left for New York.

He had thought about having something happen when Blaine was out for Christmas. But it was too soon, too raw. It would have meant something more to both of them and they needed to move on. But now. Now could be different, even though Blaine was pining, at least Blaine knew he was pining and that they were just friends. And it was a wedding. Everyone hooks up at weddings, especially exes.

“Wow, that is some serious pensive face there, Kurt,” Rachel says coming up next to him. “You haven't been that angry faced since two more people moved into our loft.”

“You're a bitch,” Kurt says immediately. They'd been doing so much better, but between Brody and Santana moving in, he was starting to feel suffocated out of his own apartment. And like Rachel's doormat, even after he'd beaten her in the sing off. 

“Get laid,” she tells him before sauntering off.

He snorts. She's not entirely wrong.

…

Blaine's not listening to Tina at all. He feels a little bit bad about it, but Kurt is _right there_. He so close that Blaine can actually smell his hair gel and cologne. It's been so long without someone to touch him that his dick actually stirs a little bit.

And then Rachel tells Kurt to get laid, and Blaine can tell that Kurt's open to it. Very open to it.

“Blaine,” Tina says sharply, “are you even listening to me?”

He wasn't. He hadn't been. “No, sorry.” He sighs. “He looks so cute,” he says sadly. “Why does he have to look so good?” He sounds whiny even to himself. 

Tina sighs. “You can't do this to yourself, Blaine. You said he didn't want you, so you need to put more value on yourself than that.”

Blaine frowns. He doesn't like when Tina talks to him that way. Kurt said that they were friends and that there was love. He never said that he didn't want him. He was just hurt. And upset. There could be something.

…

_Jesus, Blaine looks like someone just burned all his favorite bow-ties. What the hell is Tina even saying to him? I needs to save him._

…

Blaine's actually a little bit surprised when Kurt comes over and interrupts them. Well, rather interrupts Tina, and Blaine can tell that she is not happy about it. 

“Thank you,” Blaine says when they're out of Tina's earshot. “I'm glad your here.” He swallows. Why is it so awkward? It shouldn't be. They're friends. Friends and Kurt has a sort of boyfriend. But that doesn't stop Blaine from getting butterflies every time they talk on the phone. 

“Yeah.” He puts his finger on the back of Blaine's hand. “I kind of wanted to talk to you .”

He's getting laid. Blaine will do it. It'll be fine. They're friends. Blaine knows that.

“I can talk.” Blaine's head is spinning a little bit. This is just so familiar. This always leads to something. That touch on the back of his hand. His dick moves again. It knows what the finger on the back of his hand means too. “We can talk somewhere private?”

“I have the Prius?” Kurt says holding up the keys. “It's right over there and I'm sure that it's warmer than out here.” He clicks the unlock button on the key fob. “Get in the back seat and I'll meet you in there in a minute. Don't want to draw attention.”

Blaine almost trips over his own feet trying to get into the backseat. They're not going to talk. Well, the might talk. But they probably won't talk. He's going to get his dick touched. 

He almost knocks his head on the ceiling bouncing at the thought. He really, really needs his dick touched. It'd been a very long time. Not as long as Kurt, but since Kurt there had just been Eli. And Eli was more of a scald than something good.

He lays down on the back seat and spreads his legs a little bit when Kurt opens the door.

“Jesus, you're making this really ridiculously easy, Blaine.”

Blaine licks his lips. “I wasn't thinking that it was supposed to be hard?”

…

Kurt doesn't know how long they've been making out, but if Blaine's phone beeps one more time, he's going to stop. No matter how good his dick feels against Blaine's or how long it's been since he kissed someone.

“Turn off the fucking phone, Blaine.”

Blaine's only been vaguely aware of the phone going off. He pulls it out of his pocket. Tina. Over and over again. “Fucking Tina.” He ruts up against Kurt. “I'm turning it off.” He frantically presses the power button. Stupid smart phone wants him to confirm and reconfirm. He just wants the stupid thing to to turn off before Kurt gets pissy and leaves him there with blue balls.

It takes a minute but the phone buzzes, signaling that it's off. “It's off.” Kurt's sucking on his neck. “Kurt, don't leave a mark, okay. I can't be in wedding photos with a hickey on my neck, it's not classy.”

Kurt pulls up. “This isn't classy.”

…

Kurt didn't say no, and that's pretty much all that Blaine can think about as he lays back down on their sex sheets. He wishes that he could keep the sheets, preserve the smell somehow.

But he might have that soon enough. Kurt hadn't said no. Hadn't said that they weren't going to be together again like this. He hadn't said that this all was beyond fixing.

And then there was the guy in New York. There's no way that it was serious. Kurt never said the guy's name, though Blaine knew from Rachel that his name is Adam. Adam was just someone to explore with. Blaine had needed that with Eli on some level. Some sort of confirmation that Kurt was right for him. Kurt needed to make sure that Blaine was right for him. It sucked, but Blaine could wait for that if it meant that he would get Kurt back.

In the end, Blaine's not even worried about it. They had fallen into bed so easily, Kurt even dropping the whole charade even for a moment that they were only just friends. The heat of his breath on the back of Blaine's neck when he'd whispered _I love you_ just before he came, Kurt couldn't fake that.

He dresses slowly, a little more sore than he used to get. Kurt had made him beg for it a little more, taken him a bit rougher than he used to. And it'd been months since he had anything bigger than his own fingers. But it felt good. It felt like it was supposed to.

He's about to go back downstairs when he realizes he never turned his phone back on after he'd turn it off in the car. He clicks it back on and lets it load, then sighs when the beep signaling a new message goes off for nearly a minute straight.

Most of them are from Tina telling him to 'be strong', 'stay virtuous', whatever that meant to his situation. He certainly hadn't been a virgin for a while, and she lost her virginity before he even had. A couple of the texts seemed a little angry and aggressive, but that wasn't surprising. Tina seemed to go hot and cold within seconds and Blaine had no idea what was going on.

There's a few from Sam telling him to use protection and that his absence had been noticed, as well as Kurt's.

“Well, shit,” he says to no one in particular.

…

Kurt wakes up about three in the morning, he's thirsty and he needs to pee, but Blaine is sound asleep on his arm, snoring lightly. He plays a little with the hair right on Blaine's neck, where the gel has started to fade and it's curling a bit. He hates that he still loves Blaine. He doesn't want to. There's got to be so much more out there for him than some boy that he met in high school.

But he hasn't even found anything sort of close. Or even seen it with other people. And while he's sexually attracted to Adam, it pretty much ends there. He would fuck Adam into a wall, but if he wants to talk about his favorite movie or new fashion or if something big happens, Blaine is the only one whose opinion he cares about.

And he wants to fuck Blaine into the wall.

And he did that.

Twice in one night.

Blaine snuffles lightly and turns just enough so that Kurt can free is arm and escape to the bathroom. He pees, washes up, brushes his teeth – he hadn't had a chance to after the not-reception. He'd gone bad down, with the intention of having a good time. And for the most part, he had. Caught up with a few people from town, though most of his old Glee Club had seemed to be missing. Though Mercedes had been hilarious. And Tina had just shot him daggers. And then he'd seen Blaine dancing with some random guy. Blaine swore he had no idea who the guy was, that he'd just asked him to dance. 

He and Blaine were just friends but it didn't mean that Blaine could go home with someone else.

Kurt stares at himself in the mirror. He's completely messed up. It wasn't even a logically thing. Blaine could dance with whomever he liked, because in the end, Kurt's not sure that he wants to get back with Blaine, and they're certainly not together now. But the thought of Tina touching Blaine while he slept or him dancing with someone else just sent him into a blind, jealous rage. You're not supposed to feel that way about a friend.

“Kurt?” a sleepy voice calls to him. “Can you bring me water, too?”

“You're just getting tap water water,” Kurt calls back, filling one of the hotel glasses from next to the sink. He downs it and then refills it for Blaine. 

“Fine,” Blaine says sleepily. “Thank you,” he says taking the cup and downing it. He puts on the nightstand. “I know I'm supposed to go. But since we're friends and I'm so tired, please can I stay?”

“Friends sleep over all the time,” Kurt says getting into bed next to him. He kisses Blaine on the nose. “I wouldn't send a friend home in the dark.”

…

Kurt's not sure he's ever had this much sex in his life, not even when Burt and Carole went out of town and he just spent the weekend over at Blaine's. He's pretty sure he just wakes up inside of Blaine.

Blaine doesn't even try to convince him that they're more than friends when he leaves, just kisses him lightly and says thanks. 

It's pretty messed up.

…

By the time Blaine gets to his car after leaving the hotel, he's pretty sure he's about to have a full blown anxiety attack. He's not sure where he got the balls to just walk out like that. 

But the tables had turned at some point in the night. At some point, even for just a little while, Kurt had stopped trying to push Blaine away. He had brought the water, and then when Blaine woke again later, Kurt was spooning him. And then when he woke up even later, Kurt was already inside him. 

That had to mean something.

But he wasn't sure who he could talk to about it. Not Tina. She'd been acting megabucks lately, and some of those texts she had sent him last night were borderline terrifying. Sam might understand, but there was still there was that crush. And Sebastian. Well, he hadn't even spoken to him since their national trophy had been stolen, and honestly that might just end up in rape.

Instead he goes home and masturbates. 

…

Kurt gets back to New York and things are weird. Not just Brody and Santana living on top of them weird. But all sorts of other kinds of weird.

Adam meets him just outside of the airport. And that's just extra weird. Mostly because Kurt was wearing Blaine's tie from the wedding because it smelled vaguely like him. Kurt's not even sure that Blaine realized it was missing when he left. 

“How was your flight?” Adam asks as they catch the train. “I hope it's not weird, but you gave me your flight information, so I sort of took it as an invitation to come get you. Love the tie, by the way. Is that new?”

Kurt automatically feels a combination of guilt and thrill as he reaches up to touch the tie. “No, it's good that you're here. And yes, it's new.” He kind of wants to ask Adam where they're headed in their relationship, but it seems weird on a train full of people. It seems weird timing in general to ask about that, but Adam was the one that had shown up uninvited at the airport. Though, at the same time, Kurt had sent him the information. He's pretty confused about everything right now.

“I missed you,” Adam says. “Did you have a good time?”

Adam had texted him a few times, and Kurt wasn't timely about responding, though he should have tried to been. He just couldn't. It was all too confusing. And when he was being most honest with himself, he hadn't trusted himself not to break up with Adam and take Blaine back.

“You would not believe it. Ms. Pillsbury bailed on the wedding and then we had to do the reception regardless, and it was all very weird.”

“Runaway bride?”

“Yeah. I guess, I don't know. Rachel said something about Finn and I don't know, I just know she came back before I did. Which means.”

“Naked McGee,” Adam says. “I should have asked you if you needed to come to my place.”

“Just why is he always naked? I mean, seriously. First of all, she has roommates. It's just rude.” Kurt frowns and moves to take a recently vacated seat with Adam. “Plus, I just have a bad feeling about it.”

“I'm a bit worried his dick is nicer than mine.”

Kurt's mouth drops in shock. “You cannot say that on a crowded train.”

“It's a very real concern,” Adam continues. “I mean. It's just always there. It could give me issues later on.”

Kurt's phone buzzes in his pocket before he can respond.

_We should talk_. It's from Blaine.

“Something going on?” Adam asks.

Kurt scoffs. “My ex. I think he's obsessed with me.” _We're just friends, Blaine._ Kurt texts back quickly. _Remember, you agreed._

“I could see that happening.”

_You said you loved me every time you came._ Kurt quickly darkens his phone. He doesn't know exactly what's happening with Adam, but Adam doesn't need to see that.

“Everything okay?” 

Kurt can't do anything but kiss Adam to distract him because anything he would say would be a lie.

…

Kurt still hasn't responded and Blaine just stares sadly at his phone. He wishes he had someone to talk to about it. But even since he and Tina had made up and Blaine finally understood what the hell had been happening, he wasn't sure that he was ready to tell her about what had _actually_ happened, although she probably had a pretty good idea.

“You look sad, Blainey-days,” Tina says, sitting next to him and setting a bottle of apple juice in front of him. “You've been acting weird too.”

Blaine sighs. “I just. I was dumb.” He grabs the juice, not wanting to look her in the eyes. He doesn't trust his mouth, and he certainly doesn't trust himself to get overly emotional about the whole thing. “Thanks.”

“Is this about the wedding?” she asks.

He nods, still staring at the table as hard as he can.

“I know, I tried. Talking about soulmates and all the next day. I mean, I thought it would help. It wasn't exactly secret that you were in his room. And when you guys were dancing. It was there, Blaine. I swear, it was there.” She sighs. “Want me to come over after school today? I promise, I'm just there as a friend.”

“I'm starting to fucking hate that word.”

…

Blaine pauses the _Friends_ marathon that they've been watching. He can't take it much longer. “I think Kurt is my lobster,” Blaine says, moving his popcorn away and checking his phone again. Nothing from Kurt still. “But I'm worried that I'm not Kurt's lobster.”

“Oh, Blaine,” Tina says softly. She takes the bowls of popcorn and sets them on the floor next to the bed. “Come here,” she says, opening her arms in a hug.

Blaine goes in willingly, laying his head in the crook of her neck. He needs someone to take care of him right now, and he hates to lay it all on Tina, but she's offering and he's just too sad to not take it. “I thought that this was it. I mean, like. When it started in the car. It was just. I was. Not that serious. But then we went back to the room and it was. And then we went back.” He blinks. “And then again in the morning.”

“Wow, okay. I did not know that.”

“What?”

“Um. Well, I knew about the car. And the first time. But the other two? Not as much.”

Blaine smiles in spite of himself. “The second time was the best time.” He's quiet for a moment, remember how rough it had started, but how tender it had been in the end. More like their first time ever, completely different that the first time earlier that night. That time had been face to face, Kurt couldn't stop kissing him, babbling on about how much he loved him and that he hated that they couldn't be together anymore. It should have made Blaine sad, but it hadn't. It had given him hope. Every murmured word, Blaine had whispered it back. 

“It was weird though, I mean during. During, he always said how much he loved me and needed me. It was just after. After, when he tried to pretend like it didn't. But it did. I know it did. Sorry, if this is too much.”

Tina sighs and pets his hair. “I.” She pauses and starts again. “I know we're not supposed to be together. But you and Kurt. Well. Yeah, if we can get him to get his head out of his ass.”

“I wish I could go back in time.”

“Shh,” Tina hums. “You can't. We know that. And he said he forgave you.”

“Then why aren't we together?”

“He's hurt.” She pauses. “I don't know. You fucked up. But. I don't know. I wish I could explain it.”

“Me too.”

…

“How many people actually live here now?” Adam asks, sitting on Kurt's bed.

“Four. There are four of us.” Kurt carefully places his clothes into three piles. Clean (from the plastic bag), then those needing to be dry cleaned, and then those to be washed. Rachel and Brody are fucking loudly close by while Santana played music overly loudly. “I'm beginning to hate my life.”

“Understandable. Do you think they even know that everyone can hear them?” Adam asks, looking over at Rachel's side of the apartment. 

“Probably not.” Kurt side eyes his phone. It's blinking. Probably a text from Blaine. He feels guilty every time that he looks over at the phone. Guilty to Adam for not telling him. And guilty to Blaine for so many reasons that he can't even begin to articulate them.

“Do you want to go for pizza?” Adam asks.

“You think we could grab it to go and eat it at the laundromat?” It's completely unsexy and safe. Plus it has the added bonus of letting him do his laundry and get the smell of Blaine out of everything. 

“Yeah, the sounds of heterosex is just. Well, normally it doesn't bother me this much.” He stares at the partition. “Why does she sounds like a hog at the slaughter? I mean, I haven't had sex with a woman in like five years, but I don't remember it being anything like that. Even when I stuck it in her arse.”

Kurt feels like he turns an impressive shade of red.

…

Kurt hasn't texted him in three days. Not since telling him off. Or as much as you could tell someone off in a text. 

Blaine hasn't texted him either. They're kind of in a standoff. Their friends with benefits situation might be the end them even being friends.

But Kurt had stolen his tie. He had a right to get his tie back.

_You can't just tie me up with an article of my clothing and then steal it._

…

Kurt chokes a little bit when he checks his text under his desk during musical theory. 

_I still have burns on my wrists_.

Blaine is actually going to kill him.

Luckily the hour is ending and he can go outside into the cold and put his head against the wall, maybe slow his pulse down a little. Images of Blaine spread out in front of him, hands bound behind his back with the tie won't stop flashing every time he closes his eyes. The only thing he can hear is the sounds of Blaine moaning softly as he bends in ways that most men just shouldn't be able to.

“Kurt?”

He jumps, but he recognizes the voice and he's thankful that there's anyone there that he can talk to so he doesn't end up pitching a tent in his pants in the middle of the quad. “Oh holy fuck, thank god it's you, Rachel.”

Rachel stares at him. “You look wrecked, Kurt.”

He opens his eyes and looks at her. “Can't say much better for you. Though, it is good to see you not attached to Brody's dick.”

She smacks him on the shoulder. “You're flushed. And it's freezing. And you're clutching your phone like it's the end of days, so I'm thinking you're thinking about Blaine. Am I right?”

“Says the girl that hooked up with Finn.” He shakes his head without even looking at her. “Don't give me that look, I know you slept with him. He _is_ my brother.”

“You don't even know what look I'm giving you.”

“Rachel Berry, I know all of your looks. You hooked up with an ex, I hooked up with an ex. Whatever.” If he keeps saying it, it might become true.

“Yeah, but you've never gotten over Blaine. And Adam was making some pretty heavy passes at you the other day and you were either too dense or just actively ignoring them.”

“Oh, so you _do_ realize that nothing much separates you from your roommates and we can hear everything.” Adam had been trying to get into his pants pretty hard after the laundromat. As in, he kept actively sticking his hand down Kurt's pants. Kurt had begged him off, saying that Santana and Rachel were home and they just shouldn't.

“You want to get coffee and talk about it?”

“I want to get a bucket of vodka and forget about it.”

“Ouch,” Rachel says, taking his hand. “You don't drink.”

“I think I need to take it up.”

“And I think I have to give it up.”

They walk to the coffee shop. He kind of wants to ask Rachel what that was about, but he can't stop thinking about Blaine. Though, when Rachel orders a decaf, it's too much.

“What the hell is up with you, Rachel?”

She pours a sugar into her coffee. “I might be in trouble.”

“Oh dear lord, if you say you're pregnant.”

“I'm pregnant.”

The first thing Kurt thinks is that he needs to call Blaine immediately.

…

“Whoever thought, hey, Pre-Calc is awesome is the devil and I will smite him,” Blaine says to himself as he erases the same spot on the page for the fourth time that night. “I don't need this. I can balance a checkbook. Do people even have checkbooks anymore? Fuck, I'm talking to myself. Yes. This is totally normal. I guess at least I'm not talking to that picture of Kurt, that was pretty insane.” He laughs. “Oh lord.”

Thankfully, his phone rings. He doesn't even look at it as he swipes to answer. “I don't care who this is, but thank you for calling because I was not just talking to my homework.”

“I'm guessing math,” Kurt says.

“Hey,” Blaine says softly. Kurt's the last person he thought would be calling him. He had assumed it was Tina or maybe Sam. “Yeah, I. The last question on the page.” He gestures at the paper even though he knows Kurt can't see it.

Kurt laughs. “You could never do the last one. That's weird, Blaine. There's something weird about that.”

He closes his notebook, he'll just take the reduction in points for not finishing. He doesn't care. Kurt called him and he's got an A anyway. One homework assignment isn't going to kill him. “Are you out on the fire escape?”

“Yep.” He takes a deep breath. Blaine's voice had dropped to that low sexy place. “But, I called. I have news.” He has to stop before it starts. One word from Blaine and they would end up having phone sex. They had come close one time after Christmas, but thankfully Rachel had found a spider and screamed so loudly that Kurt's balls actually jumped back inside him a little.

Blaine grins. “Gossip or school or good TV or, oh.”

“Blaine.”

“Sorry.”

“So. Berry's preggers.” He thought he might be able to lead into it a little bit more but after three hours talking to Rachel about it, he's burnt out. He's surprised he remembers his own name, let alone Blaine's.

Blaine's jaw drops. “Please tell me you're joking. Does she not know what a condom is?” 

Kurt laughs, sharp and high, on the brink of a mental break down. “I know right? There are so many condoms in this apartment we could start our own Planned Parenthood! And Santana's a lesbian and I'm not getting laid, so why do we have all these condoms, Blaine? Why do we have all these condoms?”

_I'm not getting laid_. Blaine replays that in his head a few times.

“Blaine!”

“Sorry, sorry. I just.” He hadn't meant to drift off like that. Rachel was in crisis, and needed Kurt and Kurt needed him and it was big. It was really big. But he had to get back into the moment and not start thinking about everything that it might mean. “Holy shit. Is it Finn's?”

“No, thank god. I mean. I can't imagine him getting saddled with a baby now. I mean, they hooked up at the wedding, but it didn't mean anything. Like us.”

_Ouch_. 

“But, yeah. Like she was with Finn like. I don't know. Before we broke up. And then at the wedding. So unless this is some sort of magic fetus, it's Naked McGee's.”

“Is she going to keep it?” He pulls at a hangnail until it bleeds, he can't call Kurt on it now with everything happening. But it fucking stings. It meant something. It had to mean something. And now Kurt called him first with this news. He thinks Kurt called him first. He's going to find out. If Kurt called him first, then it definitely means something. Probably. Jesus, he just wants Kurt to love him. And Kurt had _said_ it. You don't just blurt out I love you during sex. It had never come up between him and Eli. 

“I don't know,” Kurt says leaning against the rail. “You know, I can't really say anything because it's not. Like. People like you and me never had to deal with this. But I don't think it would be a good idea for her. She mentioned it might be an option. You know. Abortion.”

“Would she tell Brody?” Blaine can't call Brody Naked McGee when they're talking about him being a father and maybe never knowing it.

“She doesn't know.”

“You'd tell me, wouldn't you?” It slips out.

“Tell you what?” 

“Like, if somehow the roles were reversed and you were pregnant and it was mine, would you tell me?”

Kurt sighs. “That is so insane for so many reasons. And also, you'd be the one that was pregnant.”

“I would tell you.”

“I would tell you, too.” Kurt shifts a little bit. He loves having a confidant that he can talk to about weird stuff like that. “You're always my first call.”

“You're mine, too.” Blaine lays down on the bed and stares at the pictures on his nightstand. “That's rough though, for her. I mean, if she keeps it she can't stay in school. And it's not like an easy task that she has in front of her. Fuck. This is just. I can't believe that she of all people would end up in this situation.”

“I know. I think she's freaked out right now. Mostly I just sort of sat with her for three hours while she went over every insane possibility in her head, including one scenario where you move out here and we get married and just raise the kid for her.”

“I love kids.” Kurt said they get married and have kids. Kurt said it. He didn't add 'but we won't since we're just friends'. 

“I know you do, but like, we're not ready for kids. Or getting married.”

Blaine's heart skips. He wants to say something. Ask about when Kurt thinks they will be ready to get married. Because it was Kurt that thought Blaine was proposing in the hallway and he had said yes, back before Kurt had left and everything changed. Kurt wanted to get married. One day at least. And have kids. They could have kids.

“Blaine?” 

“Yeah?” He can't contain himself. He wants to be there for Kurt, he needs to be. Whatever Kurt needs, he's going to be there one hundred percent.

“I'm pretty tired. It's been a long day. And I know you said we needed to talk. About the other things. And I just.”

“No, this is bigger. We can talk about things later. But thank you. For remembering to call me.”

“Always.”

…

“I think it might be better,” Blaine says, staring at the ceiling, he's been flying high since last night when he talked to Kurt. And then Kurt had replied to every one of his texts messages since they hung up. Even the one asking if he thought the red bow tie was inherently better than the blue. Kurt had said he looked better in red. Tina is sitting at his desk, watching him, mostly. “I think that it might be okay.”

“Okay. But what about the other day?”

_Fuck_ he thinks. He can't tell her about Rachel. Kurt only told him because there was that trust between them. He couldn't tell Tina. “I talked to Kurt the other day and he was talking about marriage and babies and it was with me. Like, about me.” That he could tell her.

“Are you sure you're not reading too much into it? I mean, I'm not trying to be a bitch, I want you to be happy, Blaine, but I just can't. Like, if you're reading too much into this you could get really hurt, Blaine.”

“I know, but I don't think that I was.” He sits up. “We should find you a boyfriend now, Tina.”

…

Kurt wakes up in the morning with Rachel in his bed. He wishes that he could make it right. He wishes to some extent that he hadn't called Blaine about it, because the less people who knew about it, the better. But Blaine was the only he knew would understand. Everything sucked.

Rachel stirs a little. “Hey,” she says softly.

“I called Blaine,” he confesses. “I told him everything. I just. I couldn't stop myself.”

Rachel sighs, but doesn't open her eyes. “That's okay. What did he say?”

“Wanted to make sure you were okay. He was there for me. I don't know. This is just.” He lays on his back and hopes Santana is still asleep. “This is not what we had planned.”

Rachel laughs mirthlessly. “Really, Kurt? That's all you have to say?”

“I've been awake for about a minute and a half and spent half the night wishing you were Blaine and thinking about my date tonight with Adam and being excited about it. The fuck do you want me to say, Rachel?”

“That I dreamt this whole horrible nightmare or that I read all three of those pregnancy tests wrong.”

“Cool, then if we're making magical wishes, make Blaine not cheat. Then we're both perfect.”

…

Rachel places some fliers on the table. It reminds Kurt way too much of Ms. Pillsbury. Only the titles of these are funny or relate-able. They're deadly serious. 

“Okay,” Rachel says. “So, I have three options. Raise it on my own, set it out for adoption, or abortion.”

Santana raises an eyebrow. “And we're your think tank? Worst think tank in the history of ever.”

“Santana,” Kurt says sharply. This isn't something they can kid around about. No matter what Rachel chose it would change her life forever. “Well, Rachel. You're adopted.”

“Right, and there could be some really great people out there waiting for a baby,” she says, running her finger over the pamphlet. “And I know how happy my dad's are. And.” Her voice breaks and she shakes her head. “But I know what giving up a baby did to Shelby and Quinn.”

Kurt sighs. Rachel can't give the baby up. He meets eyes with Santana and knows that she's thinking the same thing. 

Rachel pushes the pamphlet away. “Please don't judge me.”

“Rachel, I don't think anyone in this room is capable of judging,” Santana says, taking the pamphlet and folding it into a paper airplane. “I'm just glad it's you and not me.”

“Santana Lopez!” Kurt exclaims.

“No, Kurt, it's okay,” Rachel says. “I get it.” She stares at the table. “If I keep it, I go back to Lima. Live with my dads. If I abort it, then I have an abortion. And I have to live with that.”

“What about Brody?” Kurt asks. He hates to, because he's pretty sure that he knows the answer.

“Best case he tries to eek out life with me, raising a baby neither of us are ready for in the city. More likely case, he leaves. Says it's not his. Something like that. He's even less ready for this than I am. I don't think that I'm going to tell him.”

“He deserves to fucking know,” Santana says. “I mean, I hate to be the fucking bitch here. In the end, it is your choice. But I think you need to tell him. You did the horizontal mambo with him, and this is his too. He can't stop you from making your choice, but he needs to know.”

“I kind of agree,” Kurt says, in spite of himself. He'd want to know. If in some crazy world, if he'd gotten Blaine pregnant, he'd _need_ to know. Granted, their relationship was so different than Rachel and Brody's but Kurt would want to know if there was a child. Regardless.

Rachel stares at Santana and then Kurt. “This is hard enough without involving him.”

“Sure,” Santana says. “Introduction of a penis always makes things worse but it's his baby too. He at least needs to know that it exists.”

“Should I talk to him then before I choose?”

Kurt shrugs. “I mean, if nothing else, you've narrowed it down to two. I mean, and really. You're already assuming he's not going to be there for you. So, I mean, it can't be any worse.

…

Blaine's just about to sleep when his phone rings. He smiles when he sees it's Kurt. “Hey.”

“Today sucked,” Kurt says. 

It's been a few days since they've talked on the phone, but there had been a lot of texting and Blaine has a pretty good idea what's happening. “How is she?”

“I think she's leaning towards the abortion. But, she's going to tell him first.”

“I hate that we've known two people that have had to make this decision.” He rolls over onto his side. “Like. I don't know. It sucks. I mean, remember when I talked to you, before we were dating? God, that sucked. Like, I found out everything online. And it was scary and it sucked. And talking to your dad. Jesus, that really sucked. I was really messed up about sex for a while after some of the things I saw.”

“How is he?” Kurt can't help to ask about his dad. He thinks sometimes that maybe Burt is hiding something from him when he talks about the cancer treatment.

“Everything he's telling you is the truth. He's fighting it hard, and doing really well.” Burt wouldn't lie to Kurt about that.

“That was so brave of you,” Kurt says. “And. I was just always so awkward about all that. And you were there. Ready. Prepared. I never felt worried about any of that. Like, I know whatever you did with that guy, and for the love of God _do not tell me_ I know you were protected.”

It feels kind of like a kick to the chest, but he'll take it. He and Eli had just frotted, but Blaine had insisted they both wear condoms. “Yeah. I mean. I can't imagine. Like, the ways girls are shamed about that sort of thing. And then just not educated. And scared to go look for it. Though, I mean, isn't there college health or something? She had sex with Finn all that time without getting knocked up, so she had to have been using condoms with him. Plus, Finn totally stole condoms from you more than once. Does Brody have some sort of magic dick?”

“Eh, I've seen it. Even hard, it's not that great.”

“Excuse me?”

“Bitch walks around the apartment naked. He puts his naked ass in my chairs, Blaine. It's a real problem.”

“Wait, the cute vintage ones we had dinner in?”

“Yes! I knew you would understand how upsetting this is.”

“That asshole.” 

They're silent for a moment. “Blaine?”

“Yeah, Kurt.”

“If something happened and this was us. Like. We'd have to find a way to raise the baby.”

“That actually scares me.” He's been trying so hard to get Kurt back, he didn't even think about how deep it actually went. “It scares me, but I didn't even think of anything else, you know, anything other than we would raise it together, no matter what. I just have been thinking about Rachel. And I just. Like she has too much planned in her life, and she doesn't have what we have.”

“We have things planned.”

“Yeah, and we could work something out. I mean, I don't know Brody, but he's not you,” Blaine says. “I just know what you tell me, and I know to trust you. And I know that Brody isn't going to be the one to step up at this. He won't help Rachel reach her dreams the way you would help me reach mine.”

“What's your dream, Blaine?”

Blaine stops for a minute. “For you to be happy. Maybe, if I'm there, that's great.”

The phone clicks dead.

…

_I just hung up on him._ Kurt throws his pillow at the wall. It does nothing but knock a picture down. But he's fucking pissed at himself. He had fucking intentionally driven Blaine down that road. He knew what was going to happen if he went down that road. And he did it anyway.

“Santana?” Kurt calls out into the apartment.

“Yes, dumbass?”

“Did you hear that?” He's sure that she did.

“The mental rape and torture of Blaine Anderson, you skinny little sociopath?”

“Do you want to get drunk?”

Santana throws back the partition with two cups and a bottle of vodka.

…

A few days later, after one of them more epic hangovers of his life, Kurt is over at Adam's. And Kurt's not one hundred percent sure why Adam is staring at him like that and not sucking his dick anymore, but it's pretty disconcerting. “Adam?”

“Oh, you remember my name now?” Adam climbs off the bed and pulls on his shirt. “I'm guessing your ex is called Blaine then?”

Kurt's mouth drops. He didn't remember any of that. He just remembers that he was about to come and it was the best thing possibly ever. And then it stopped.

“You should go,” Adam says.

“Adam, I can explain.” He can't. He knows he can't. But he wants to.

“Tell me you didn't sleep with him when you were at the wedding. Tell me you didn't and I'll believe you.”

“It's not like we're exclusive.” That wasn't a lie. They weren't exclusive. It wasn't cheating since they weren't technically together at the time. 

Adam sighs. “Sure, we're not. But why didn't you just tell me? Why did you feel the need to hide it from me? That's the question. Don't tell me it didn't mean anything, because you called his name. You hid it from me. And you've been acting weird about your phone. Like the other day, when mine died and I just wanted to check movie times. What was that about?”

That was about texts from Blaine, that had mostly been talking about Rachel. But they'd been talking about the future too. About Blaine coming to New York. If he'd live in the dorms or if he'd live with Kurt. Blaine hadn't even flinched about being hung up on, at least in regards to replying to any message sent at him. It was just too hard to not talk to Blaine. “I'm.” He doesn't know what else to say. “I'm confused.”

“You're fucking in love with him. That's what the problem is.”

Adam scoffs. “Your phone is ringing, Kurt.” He picks up the phone off the desk where Kurt had discarded it before they started fooling around. “Look it's Blaine. Hello?” he says, answering the phone.

…

Blaine's heart stops. He didn't dial the number wrong. He didn't even dial. He just hit Kurt's name on the phone. “Um. Hello?”

“Is this Blaine, then?”

“Yes?” He's not sure what's going on.

“Good, because I was just sucking Kurt off and he was shouting your name. Care to explain that?”

It must be Adam. Fuck, this sucks. He doesn't want to be this guy. Kurt said they had been dating. And clearly, Kurt hadn't broken it off, even though they'd been sexting since the night Kurt had hung up on him. And on some level, Blaine had convinced himself that had meant Kurt had broken it off with Adam because Blaine never wanted to put someone through this. “I'm sorry.”

“You're fucking sorry?” Adam shouts. “Really, you should know better than this. And so should Kurt. Talking about how bad it sucks when someone cheats. You're just a slut, aren't you?”

“Hey!” Kurt shouts in the background.

“I'm sorry,” Blaine says again, before he hangs up the phone. He doesn't want to be a slut. He just wanted Kurt to love him.

...

It's messed up, the way the he made Kurt the one that cheated now. Sure, Blaine could rationalize that it wasn't the same thing. Adam and Kurt were just fooling around, just starting to date, not exclusive. It wasn't the same thing. Though, it still just reminded him of what he'd felt after Eli. He wonders if Kurt feels that same way. 

…

Kurt gives his seat up to a pregnant lady on the subway, even though he kind of doesn't want to. But he's not a dick and she kind of reminds him of Rachel. Alone, scared looking, and way too young to be having a baby on her own. 

His texts and calls to Blaine have gone unanswered, which stresses him out. He's worried that Blaine's going to do something irrational, like last time. And as much as Kurt hates it, he realizes then that he had been neglecting Blaine at that time. He almost gets what Blaine had done. Nothing could excuse it, but at the same time. I could be forgiven, and he has to think that Blaine would never do something that dumb again. Especially not when they're so close to whatever they seem to be on the verge of.

Kurt sighs. There's really nothing that Blaine could do that Kurt could reasonably get pissed off about. Blaine could call Sebastian and have a good old fashioned Dalton running of the train. Which, Kurt totally thought happened all the time, even though he never saw it when he was there and Blaine insisted that he was insane. 

But in the end, Blaine could literally be fucking eight guys at once and Kurt couldn't hold it against him.

Though, he would have to find eight body bags.

…

Kurt gets back to the apartment and it's pretty much deadly silent, save for Santana watching Rachel and drinking from a Solo cup.

“What's happening here?” he's not really in the mood to deal with this right now. He's sexually frustrated from not actually getting off, and he's terrified about Blaine not replying. Like, bad enough to call his dad and ask him to drive by Blaine's house just to make sure he's okay. 

Rachel sighs and pulls the blanket up closer to her chin. She looks like she's about to cry.

Santana pulls a second cup that's a little sweaty and holds it out to Kurt, they'd clearly been waiting for him. “I took Rachel to Planned Parenthood.”

“Oh.” Kurt says softly. He sits next to Santana and takes a sip. It's some sort of cheap vodka mixed with what he can only guess is some of Rachel's Crystal Light. “You okay?” he asks Rachel.

She nods, but she looks like she's about to cry. She and Kurt had been talking about the decision lately. Kurt had tried to just be a sympathetic ear, because regardless of his own opinions, she was the one that had to live with the decision. And it was a decision that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” he asks.

She shakes her head.

“I think I'll go down to the bodega and get you some ice cream,” Santana says. “I don't want to hear about what it'll do to your voice. I think we all need some Ben and Jerry's.”

Kurt watches as Santana exits. It's a little out of character for her, but it makes sense. No one wants to talk about it directly. Kurt thinks maybe it was the right choice for Rachel. But it sucks for everyone. They're just trying to make the best out of a shitty situation. Brody had wanted nothing to do with the baby, in the end. He had offered to try and send child support, but Kurt knew that Rachel had never believed him. 

He downs his drink. “Rachel?”

“Please, can we just talk about anything else?”

“Adam was sucking my dick and I kept calling him Blaine. And then it got super awkward when Blaine called me and Adam answered and called him a slut and now Blaine won't take my calls. So. There's that.” He doesn't want to talk about it, but he'd rather talk about that than Rachel's abortion. And Rachel needs this. 

“What?”

He sighs. He's ready to say the thing that's been obvious to everyone, including himself for weeks. “I think this evening proves that I'm still in love with Blaine.”

“Thank god you finally see it.” She takes a sip of her water. “I've been wanting to punch you in the face for weeks.”

“Excuse you? You're supposed to be on my side here.”

“He made a stupid mistake, Kurt. I've never seen someone so sorry about it. He's never ever going to do anything like that again and no one ever can punish him more than he's punished himself for it.” She sighs. “I can seriously empathize with that right now.'

“Rachel.” He didn't mean to go there. One stupid mistake had changed her life forever too.

“Drink more. This is going to get upsetting.”

…

It's about four in the morning when he gets to bed. He and Santana had gotten wildly drunk after Rachel went to sleep and talked about everything that he thought he could never talk to Santana about. Things that he pretty much prays he'll be too drunk to remember n the morning.

He has to call Blaine. Even if he hasn't answered all day.

…

“Who's dead?” Blaine answers sleepily. “This better not be a wrong number. I'm sleeping.”

“I love you,” Kurt slurs. “Like. Love love you. Marry you love you. Like, why are there states between us? This is dumb.”

“Kurt?”

“Does anyone else call you in the middle of the night confessing their love for you? Because. You cheated and that fucking sucked and it fucking hurt me deeper than I thought anyone could ever hurt me. And if you ever.”

“I won't.” Blaine shoots awake. Kurt's drunk. But this means something. “I love you so much. Please. Tell me this isn't a dream.”

“It's not.”

Blaine curls himself into a tiny ball. “I don't know what to say.”

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you. Of course, I've never stopped. I made a stupid.”

“Stop,” Kurt says. “I can't with that right now. I know you did, and it was. I don't know what it was but I get it, on some level. I get it and I understand and it just doesn't matter because Rachel just. It showed me that people learn and they make mistakes and you won't ever do that again and I trust you, but right now I need to go to sleep. I'm drunk. But tomorrow. When you wake up and I wake up, we're.” He yawns. “Don't fucking touch anyone, okay?”

“I won't, Kurt. I don't want to. And whatever happened with Adam earlier... Are you okay?”

Kurt laughs. “I had to take a subway home with a hard-on because I called your name. And I came home to a post-abortion Rachel. So, my life is pretty messed up right now. I'll call you tomorrow.”

The phone clicks dead, but Blaine is still awake. He gets on his computer. He can be in New York by 10 am.

…

“Happy fucking Saturday,” Santana calls from the futon. “I am hungover as shit. Berry, can I have one of your vicodin?”

Rachel turns her scrambled eggs before putting them on top of a piece of toast. “I feel like that's a bad idea.” There's a pill next to her glass of milk already sitting next to her table. “You'd be better off with an aspirin.”

“Ugh,” Santana says, sinking back into the futon. “I hate everyone here.”

Kurt rubs his eyes and tries to eat the bacon that Rachel had prepared for him. She won't eat it and generally hated the smell, but the pregnancy had changed that for some reason. Plus, he thought she was just trying to be extra nice. He focuses on the toast instead.

“I didn't do anything to you,” he says, chewing on a corner of toast. “In fact, I think you did this to me.”

The doorbell rings and it might be the worst sound that Kurt has ever heard. “Kill whoever is ringing that bell.”

Rachel swallows down her pill and goes to answer the door. “Kurt, please don't make me kill him. I think you're going to be very sad if I do.”

Kurt turns around. “Blaine?” 

Blaine smiles shyly. “Don't tell me you've forgotten.”

Kurt can't believe it. He rushes over and hugs Blaine. “I'm super hungover,” he whispers.

Blaine laughs. “I figured you might be.” He holds out flowers. “I brought these for you, Rachel.”

Rachel blinks a few times but takes the flowers. “Thank you, Blaine.”

“You're welcome.” He puts his bag down. “Sorry to just drop in, but I just sort of felt that it was right. I don't know.”

He looks so hopeful that Kurt isn't even sure he knows what to do with that, or how to react. He's still having a hard time maintaining balance and believing that Blaine is actually there. He wraps his arms around Blaine again. “When do you leave?” Kurt asks, mouth pressed into Blaine's neck. He doesn't want this to not be real.

“I have to leave Sunday night. But I uh, did all my homework.”

Santana laughs from the futon. “Did you do all your homework sad and alone on a Friday night?”

“Hey, Santana,” Blaine calls back.

“You did, didn't you?” Kurt asks. 

“Shut up.” Blaine pushes Kurt away. “Ohhh. Breakfast.”

…

“I think sex cures hangovers,” Kurt says as Blaine settles beside him. He's buzzing hard, not even noticing the throb in the back of his skull that was there just a little while ago.

“I think you're just not focusing on it. You need to take that condom off.” Blaine runs his fingers over Kurt's belly.

Kurt frowns and then grins because it tickles. Blaine should know better than that. He's just being a dork, but really his room isn't set up for sex. Just masturbation. So he just rolls off into a tissue and leaves it there.

“Seriously?”

“Whatever,” Kurt says.

“Deviants!” Santana calls from the living room area.

“I thought she was going to the movies,” Blaine says. 

Kurt shrugs and curls into Blaine's side. At some point, they're going to have to move to a place with walls.


End file.
